Zlatan Ibrahimović has returned to his home planet after Manchester United declined to offer the veteran striker an extension to his contract.
Nominally Swedish for the purposes of Earthly bureaucracy, Zlatan missed the end of last season through an injury that threatens to keep him out for months to come.
He is now recuperating back on his home planet of Blorxzorg-Vulpennqualtz VIVIVI, where it is considered perfectly normal for 35-year-olds to score 28 goals in a season.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp via intergalactic satellite, Zlatan remained philosophical.
He said: “I’m remaining philosophical about the whole thing.
“I came, I saw, I conquered, I drew at home against half the league and I got to fulfill my Earthly destiny of linking up with Jesse Lingard.
“All in all, a good Earth year’s work I feel.”