Yaya Touré form desertion is “95% cake related”

Fake News » Yaya Touré form desertion is “95% cake related”

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Yaya Touré form loss is down to this sort of thing
DELICIOUS: Cake (Image: Sachertorte)

It’s the underwhelming Yaya Touré form that’s got a million fantasy football players asking why, and it’s due in no small part to the Manchester City midfielder’s sweet tooth.

MORE ON THE TOURÉ TURNAROUND: The best Yaya Touré & Joe Hart jokes from Bayern clash

That’s the opinion of his manager Manuel Pellegrini, who has admitted to spending the last few months personally delivering baked artisan goods direct to the Ivorian’s home.

Touré had rocked the Premier League champions in May when he blasted them for neglecting to mark his 31st birthday in a manner he deemed to be compatible with his inestimable worth as a match-winner.

City boss Pellegrini, who intends to celebrate his native Chile’s national day on Friday by dancing the cueca with his many wives, took it upon himself to ensure Touré’s continued presence at the club by bringing him a birthday cake every day, each one thrice as delicious as the last.

Unfortunately, this motivational tactic backfired when Touré ate all the cakes and became rubbish at football all of a sudden, a predicament which culminated in last night’s no-show in the 1-0 Champions League defeat at Bayern Munich.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Pellegrini accepted his role in the great Yaya Touré form desertion of 2014-15 but pleaded for understanding.

He said: “It was, how you say, a catch 22 situation.

“Don’t give Yaya all those cakes and have him sulk about not feeling valued enough, or give him the cakes and risk him eating them all and becoming rubbish at football all of a sudden.

“Hands up, it hasn’t gone as I’d hoped, just like my cunning ploy to strengthen Sergio Agüero’s hamstrings and calf muscles by smashing them with mallets.

“You can only take the lessons and move on.”

SEE ALSO: The best Yaya Touré & Joe Hart jokes from Bayern clash

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