White hot! Jim White spontaneously combusts hours before going on air
- By Football Burp
Sky Sports News mainstay Jim White has spontaneously combusted just hours before he was due to go on air for his beloved transfer deadline day.
The silver-haired Scot was found still smoldering in his dressing room chair by a stunned studio runner, who described himself as a “traumatised temp”.
It is not yet known whether White’s combustion was due to overexcitement, too much coffee or some kind of voodoo curse.
In a statement, Sky Sports News said they were “profoundly saddened” by the loss of “a complete anchor” but added they were hopeful of drafting in a replacement by this evening.
They said: “We’re hopeful of drafting in a replacement by this evening.
“It’s not a difficult skill set to replace, all told. If you happen to be Scottish, between the ages of 38 and 55, and trapped in a perpetual state of childlike enthusiasm, please do get in touch.
“There’s no interview process, we’ll just throw you in front of a camera like Bugs Bunny getting mistakenly ushered onstage at the opera.
“As long as you don’t swear, we’ll pretty much leave you to your own devices as you fictionalise transfer sagas in order to flood Sky Bet’s coffers.
“Erm, I’ve said too much.”