West Ham United have tabled a £10m offer for the £50m of cocaine found washed up on Norfolk beaches, we can confirm.
The drugs, illicit, are understood to favour a move to the London Stadium after becoming disillusioned with life at Norfolk Police.
But the local constabulary are likely to hold out for their asking price after labelling the Hammers’ bid “derisory”.
In a statement, West Ham said: “Having discussed the matter internally at length, we feel £10m to be a perfectably acceptable offer for £50m-worth of beak.
“£10m is after all what we paid for Snodgrass, which sounds quite like a weird euphemism for marching powder if you think about it.
“We know the drugs are desperate to join us so they can set about finding their way up the nostrils of the minority of our support base who love nothing more than fighting literally the entire time.
“And they could conceivably come in handy the next time Andy Carroll stops scoring overhead kicks and spends a year on the sidelines.
“But that’s just a whole heap of allegedly.”