Wenger vs Mourinho shoving match may be accent-based
- By Football Burp
It was the Wenger vs Mourinho shoving match that had football fans worldwide rolling on the floor laughing their flaming appendages off, and new research suggests it was accent-based.
The accents, grammatical as opposed to spoken, come into play when considering the rival managers’ respective first names of Arsène and José.
Off the back of some extensive googling, scientists are now contending that the Arsenal and Chelsea bosses are diametrically opposed on account of their diacritical marks.
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Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one speccy bloke in a white coat posited the theory that people who have an acute accent in their name, like Arsène, are predisposed to “fierce personality clashes” with people who have a grave accent, like José.
He said: “This sort of thing can affect an individual’s whole outlook on life, so it almost certainly explains the Wenger vs Mourinho shoving match that had us all chortling so.
“Right handers vs left handers, innies vs outies, believers vs heretics – such innate differences have been fuelling conflict for generations.
“What we saw on the touchline at Stamford Bridge on Sunday was merely nature taking its course, although I wouldn’t be surprised if matters were complicated further by the nearby presence of Mesut Özil.
“Umlauts have a tendency to throw everything out of whack.”
Chelsea have refused to comment on speculation that Nemanja Matić and Cesc Fàbregas have to be physically restrained from punching each other’s lights out every five minutes.