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“We thrive on criticism” – Rooney explains lousy performances

Sarcastic people have field day with captain's latest rallying cry.

By Jonny Abrams

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England captain Wayne Rooney
ROONEY: Lion

Wayne Rooney has revealed that he and his England team mates thrive on criticism, prompting utterances of “oh well that explains all the terrible performances, then” nationwide.

The captain, purple, had intended to convey to a packed press conference that widespread disparagement of their recent showings served only as motivational fuel.

However, he hadn’t counted on everyone present in the room being a right sarky bastard.

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Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one wag commented that tonight’s Euro 2016 qualifier away to Switzerland should give Rooney and his chums plenty to thrive on over the next week or so.

He said: “If that friendly against Norway from the other night is anything to go by, they’ll be thriving ’til the cows come home.

“I believe Wayne when he says that they thrive on criticism – at the World Cup, for example, they played like criticism was integral to their very being, like oxygen.

“It was as if their very lives depended on being castigated by millions of people. I found it fascinating.”

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