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Wayne Rooney passing stats alert IDF

Man United skipper on standby as Iron Dome awaits repairs.

Israeli no need for a bad pun here (Image: Gordon Flood)
Israeli no need for a bad pun here (Image: Gordon Flood)

Wayne Rooney passing is the shock new fascination of the Israel Defense Forces owing to its missile-intercepting potential, it has emerged.

The distribution, maddening, was initially earmarked for missile interception on opening day when Rooney’s spot-on long passes and decidedly spot-off short passes against Swansea caught the eye of a Manchester United supporting sergeant major.

Rooney’s continuing knacks for both pinpoint accuracy from distance and sheer carelessness from close range has triggered a brief period of soul-searching for the newly armbanded Red Devils captain.

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Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a source confirmed that Rooney has concluded his own particular talents to be best suited to booting footballs at Hamas missiles while Iron Dome undergoes renovations.

He said: “The main sticking point appears to be wages related.

“Whereas Iron Dome costs $20,000 per interception, Wayne has made it very clear that he won’t do it for a penny less than the £300,000 a week he makes at United.

“Benjamin Netanyahu has threatened to switch his attentions to Steven Gerrard if Rooney refuses to budge on his demands, but he could be bluffing.

“Maybe. I don’t know. To be honest, it would probably be best to wind this article up before one of us errs into the muddy waters of political comment.”

Wayne Rooney passing at Hamas missiles? You heard it here first!

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