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Wayne Rooney does job in shock twist

Alan Sugar goes nuts.

Wayne Rooney
Rooney during his Middlesbrough days (Image: Austin Osuide)

Manchester United forward Wayne Rooney did his job last night, it has been confirmed.

The Rooney, Waynesome, took to the field against Chelsea and played football quite well, although he should definitely have passed it to Robin van Persie instead of shooting from 30 yards that one time.

Although last night’s goalless draw at Old Trafford had been preceded by literally millenniums of speculation linking Rooney with a move to Stamford Bridge, the England Scouser drew plaudits from all around the galaxy for turning up and doing the thing he gets paid handsomely to do.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp Twitter, that Alan Sugar bloke off the telly declared himself to be totally overwhelmed by the emotion of it all.

He said:

Rooney is a great player

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013

And:

Rooney deserves a goal . Man of the match for me

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013

He continued:

Rooney was outstanding tonight.

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013

He added:

@WayneRooney outstanding performance tonight a true professional considering all the rubbish in the pre season

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013

Football Burp has to stop now because Football Burp feels sick.

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