Unnamed Premier League side sparks product recall of performance-enhancing drug
- By Football Burp
An unnamed Premier League team, referred to only as “reigning champions”, have sparked a product recall of a new performance-enhancing drug with their woeful form.
The mystery club are alleged to have been users of a stimulant called Beastmodeline, which purported to improve performance in anything from sex to Algerian wingers.
However, new research has revealed an alarming tail-off in effectiveness after the first nine months, which can result in anything from impotence to relegation.
Beastmodeline has now been recalled effective immediately, with long-term users advised to consult a GP or at the very least sign a replacement for N’Golo Kanté.
Whichever team it turns out to be, it just goes to show that it doesn’t pay to be a drug cheat in sport – except for all the times where it has done.