Manchester United fans with southern accents have taken to talkSPORT in their thousands to have a ruddy good moan about that Marouane Fellaini transfer fee you might have been hearing about.
The fee, £27.5m, could have been £4m less had the Red Devils got it together in time to activate a minimum release clause written into the Belgian’s Everton contract.
However, the clause expired last month while David Moyes and Edward Woodward were busy trying to lug a grand piano up a flight of stairs – with hilarious consequences.
Speaking exclusively to talkSPORT, a string of deeply upset-sounding southerners confirmed that this was the worst they’ve felt about United ever since discovering them some time around 1999.
They said: “This is it: the end of the line.
“There’s no way back from the Marouane Fellaini transfer fee debacle. A new era of Liverpool/Chelsea/Arsenal/Blue Manchester/Spurs/Swansea dominance awaits us.
“It may be time to start thinking the unthinkable – that is, a switching of allegiances, and all the short-term ignominy that entails.
“I had to put up with a lot ridicule when I announced my decision to start supporting United instead of Blackburn Rovers, but before long I didn’t have any friends left to make fun of me.
“Sod them. Who needs friends when you’ve got a complete absence of values to cling to your icy bosom?”
Mancunian Manchester United fans were unavailable for comment as they were too busy having perspective.