Transfer Deadline Day latest: transfer deadline day capitalised

Fake News » Transfer Deadline Day latest: transfer deadline day capitalised

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Jim White
“Hey Charlotte, wanna see my elephant impression?” (Image: YouTube / WOODDDDDDDYASOCCER2)

Transfer deadline day will now be stylised as Transfer Deadline Day, Sky Sports News presenter Jim White has confirmed.

The day, Transfer Deadline Day, is a relatively new tradition for football in this country – but it is a tradition nonetheless.

In an extension of the rampant Sky Sportsification to have beset the game since its 1992 inception – not to mention the ever increasing volumes of hyperbole to have been applied to the respective final days of each and every transfer window – it shall henceforth be capitalised.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, White hyperventilated into a brown paper bag and proceed to wet himself with reckless abandon.

He roared: “Transfer Deadline Day! Live on Sky Sports News!

“Every deal, all of that stuff, liver than the livest liveness you’ve ever lived!

“SKY SPORTS! NEWS! TRANSFER DEADLINE NEWS! LIVE ON SKY SPORTS DAY!

“THIS IS THE NEWS!”

Suddenly, his facial expression slumped into one of malevolent concentration.

He seethed: “Is this what your life has come to?

“Hammering the F5 button and waiting for me to say ‘let’s go live to…’ before cutting to some hack standing outside your team’s ground in vague hope of catching a stray whisper or spying a telltale number plate?

“It doesn’t have to be this way. They’re holding you back, you know – the ones that call themselves your friends.

“Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don’t mind my saying so. Perhaps a bit more.

“My girls, sir, they didn’t care for my Transfer Deadline Day updates at first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn down the Sky Sports News studio.

“But I ‘corrected’ them, sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my duty, I ‘corrected’ her too.

“Tick tock. Tick tock.

“Tick tock.”

He added: “Is Mesut Özil on his way to the Premier League?

“We’ve got Gerry Francis in the studio, after the break!”

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