Premier League chairmen ask Jim White to stop texting them

Fake News » Premier League chairmen ask Jim White to stop texting them

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A text message from Jim White is about to arrive
No texts, please (Image: Blefort)

Premier League chairmen have released a joint statement asking Sky Sports News anchor Jim White to kindly stop texting them.

The supremos banded together to take action against White’s increasingly delusional megalomania with regards Transfer Deadline Day.

Undersigned by the owners of all twenty Premier League clubs, the open letter reads as follows:

Jim. Firstly, thank you for your interest in our clubs’ potential Transfer Deadline Day activity.

We thought we’d oblige you as far as capitalising Transfer Deadline Day as if it held import, but we’ll go no further.

Please immediately cease all communications with us via text, WhatsApp, Snapchat, Facebook Messenger and hired barbershop quartet.

We’ve long since learned not to save all our most exciting activity until the last minute, and even if we hadn’t you still wouldn’t be privy to it.

Ask yourself this: what could we possibly have to gain from it? Do you think we got this far in life by blabbing all our secrets to buffoon presenters?

Most irksome is your manner of reporting our communications, usually “watch this space” or something equally non-committal, as if we’d sent them to you unsolicited.

Your viewers should know that we’re merely batting off your inane requests, not reaching out to you as some kind of information gatekeeper.

Whenever we get together we all talk about what a tw*t we think you are and we all laugh very hard about it.

Yours sincerely, Premier League chairmen.

At the time of writing, Jim White is yet to reply to Football Burp’s text for comment.

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