Today’s England squad now the leading cause of depression in the UK
- By Football Burp
Gareth Southgate’s England squad for the games against Germany and Lithuania is now the leading cause of depression in the UK.
On a day in which France omitted Benzema, Lacazette, Coman and Martial from their squad, England fans were alarmed by the inclusion of James Ward-Prowse, Jake Livermore and a kid who happened to be passing by at the time.
As a result, today’s England squad has now leapfrogged destitution, heartbreak, Katie Hopkins and supporting Sunderland as the single leading cause of depression in Great Britain.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve, a destitute and heartbroken Sunderland fan from Sunderland, expressed his dismay in no uncertain terms.
He bemoaned: “I’d just spent an ill-advised ten minutes scrolling through Katie Hopkins’s Twitter timeline when I saw the squad announced.
“Never in my life have I succumbed so physically to such a sudden crushing malaise. I literally collapsed to the ground and vomited tears.
“But seriously, I thought Luke Shaw was dead.”