Eminent comedian and revolution advocate Russell Brand has been spotted out and about with West Ham United manager Sam Allardyce, we can exclusively reveal.
The former Katy Perry hubby, loquacious, looked utterly smitten as he strolled arm-in-arm around east London’s pie and mash district with his odobenine new flame.
In one especially tender moment, Brand stopped to wipe away the mushy peas and gravy that had accumulated around the contours of Allardyce’s mouth like the deposit of a frothy, swirling cess pit.
Giggling girlishly, a clearly infatuated Allardyce swatted Brand playfully with his bib as if to say, “I can take care of myself, you silly thing, I have rejuvenated Stewart Downing’s career after all”.
Reports had originally surfaced of Brand’s intention to woo Allardyce just minutes after the final whistle of their stoic 2-1 win over Manchester City at Upton Park.
It’s a result that cements the Hammers’ place in the top four of the Premier League, a flying start to the 2014-15 season that’s already being described in some quarters as “well, damn”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Allardyce remained coy, coquettish and all sorts of things like that.
He said: “Without wanting to give too much away, I can confirm that I have been romanced – nay, swept off my feet – by a great revolutionary mind of the modern age.
“Yes, he does sit in the executive box. And no, I don’t see a problem with that. Get off my lovely new man’s back or I’ll end you.”
He continued: “All those cheesy songs on the radio, they sound as reinvigorated to me as Alex Song looked earlier today.
“I’m just so in love.”
Russell Brand steps out with all sorts, but has he finally found the one? We think he just might have.