Southampton and Blackpool announce shock merger
- By Football Burp
The sides, geographically disparate, plan to pool their combined resources of 20 players with a view to competing on some kind of Sunday League basis for the duration of the forthcoming campaign.
Their respective places in the Premier League and Championship shall be sold off to the highest bidders, with early front-runners rumoured to be Norwich City, flush from flogging Robert Snodgrass to Hull City for £7m, and Crawley Town for some reason.
Writing exclusively to Football Burp, one eagle-eyed reader explained that our story is fundamentally flawed on account of the “domino effect of bought promotions” it would trigger.
They wrote: “You’d need someone to replace Crawley Town in League One, then whomsoever in League Two, and so on and so forth.
“I know it’s a bit quiet at the moment other than the usual transfer tittle tattle, but if you’re going to continue making up stories then at least make them vaguely credible.
“How would a Southampton-Blackpool merger work, anyway? One’s in Hampshire, the other in the north west.
“They’re both on the coast though, mind – perhaps they could play their home games aboard some kind of floating halfway house?
“I don’t mean like a rehabilitation centre, although Southampton and Blackpool fans must be hitting the bottle pretty hard right now.”
Spokespersons for Southampton and Blackpool were unavailable for comment as they were undergoing medicals at Liverpool.