Sam Allardyce appointed leader-manager of UKIP

Fake News » Sam Allardyce appointed leader-manager of UKIP

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Sam Allardyce has been confirmed as UKIP's next leader
SWIFT RETURN: Sam (Image: @cfcunofficial/Chelsea Debs)

UKIP have reacted to Diane James’s shock resignation by immediately announcing Sam Allardyce as her successor.

The disgraced former England boss will head the right-wing political party in what is being described as a ‘leader-manager’ role.

After a host of mid-table finishes, Allardyce finally got his shot at the job he’d always seen as his destiny.

However he was dismissed after just two months when he was caught on camera drinking a pint of wine.

Sources indicate that Nigel Farage, an enthusiastic proponent of the wine pint, was instrumental in the decision to appoint Allardyce.

Douglas Carswell, UKIP’s sole MP, is believed to have preferred Steve Bruce but accepted he was wrong about tides so could be wrong about this.

News of Allardyce’s appointment came as a shock to Allardyce himself, the former Sunderland boss having spent the prior night drinking goldfish bowls of snakebite.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a plastered Allardyce asked if we had any relegation-bound clubs that needed turning around.

He said: “Not even a Championship club with a rich history? You know what, I’d even go as low as Bolton.

“I’ve got Jay-Jay Okocha’s number, you know. Shall we call him? Yeah, let’s call him.

“Oi oi, Jay-Jay lad! It’s Big…sh*t, I’m so sorry, what time is it there?

“It’s nothing, go back to sleep. Sorry again. Bye.”

He added: “You won’t tell anyone about this, right?”

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