Ross McCormack Fulham fee “understood” to be billions

Fake News » Ross McCormack Fulham fee “understood” to be billions

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The guy at the centre of the Ross McCormack Fulham fee kerfuffle
McCormack… No relation of Kenny (Image: Jon Candy)

It’s the Ross McCormack Fulham fee that had a nation flummoxed, and it is the understanding of reporters fresh out of “a friendly chat” with Leeds United owner Massimo Cellino that it’s in the billions.

The Italian, charismatic, stressed that talks with journalists had been “entirely cordial” and that at absolutely no point were anyone’s family members threatened with dismemberment.

He added that he felt the press to be “disrespecting” him with “all these questions already”, insisting most firmly – although amicably – that they desist.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one football writer blew a whistle in order to attract our attentions.

He said: “It’s good, isn’t it? I got it in Brazil, they were selling them on every street corner.

“Funny to see so many people blowing whistles at an event organised by Fifa, but there you go.

“What were we talking about? The Ross McCormack Fulham fee, that’s it. Oh, it’s absolutely billions. Trillions maybe, definitely at least billions.

“It’s definitely not just a few million plus a few million more if Fulham get promoted minus a few million to Cardiff City as per their sell-on fee. Definitely not.

“It’s absolutely billions, like the largest amount of money you can think of times a trillion.”

Speaking exclusively to his own living room, Leeds United’s new manager remained philosophical.

He said: “Who am I? There you go, how’s that for philosophical?

“I’m serious though, who am I? I’m so obscure that even I haven’t heard of me.

“I managed Forest Green, you say? And now Leeds? Blimey. Are times that tough for Leeds?

“Billions, you say? Oh that’s good to hear. I’d hate for anyone’s family members to get dismembered.

“Did you just hear the oven timer go? I thought I just heard the oven timer go.”

He added: “Better go check.”

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