Ross Barkley’s studs expected to land on Jordan Henderson sometime this evening
- By Football Burp
Jordan Henderson’s ankle is forecast to receive Ross Barkley’s studs at approximately 1700 GMT as a nation awaits with baited breath.
Latest progress reports indicate that Barkley is still in the process of hurtling towards Henderson, despite the Liverpool captain having moved the ball on hours ago.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Henderson preemptively defended his England team-mate.
He said: “I know Ross, he’s a good lad and I’m sure he’ll be gutted if he ends up giving me a serious injury with this tackle.
“In all likelihood we’ll probably have a bit of a shouting and shoving match over it, but we’ll cool down and be mates again because we’re professionals.
“As I stand here waiting for Ross’s studs to come thundering into my upper ankle, I can only reflect on how lucky I am to be the captain of Liverpool Football Club.
“It’s a great privilege, a great honour, so if this does end up terminating my career I can at least hang up my boots – and quite possibly one of my feet too – with pride.
“The only thing I can say with any certainty right now is that it’s going to be bloody painful.”
Ross Barkley was unavailable for comment as he was busy screaming unintelligibly in slow motion.