Rickie Lambert will this morning wake up as Sir Rickie Lambert after doing that Rickie Lambert thing against Scotland last night, it has been Rickie Lambert-ed.
Lambert, Rickie, made history by becoming the first England player to score a winning goal with his first touch of the ball on his debut against a fellow home nation, an action that shall henceforth be known as “doing a Rickie Lambert”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Sir Rickie Lambert described how his post-match celebrations were cut short when he was bundled into a limo by burly, sunglasses-clad men and rushed off to Buckingham Palace for an emergency knighthood.
He said: “It was boss, lad – the Queen was still in her jim jams with her hair in rollers and tha’.
“I was a bit worried about her coming at me with a sword having only just been woken up, like, but it turns out that’s not actually how it happens.
“She just kind of chants in Latin and splashes you with an exotic broth.
“You get your own butler too, which is sound. Lambert and butler, y’knowharrameanlike? That’s mint that, lad.”
He continued: “I think someone mentioned something about commemorating me on bank notes and stamps. Proper buzzing me, lad.
“They said they were thinking of having my side profile facing in the other direction from Her Majesty’s, so it looks like we’re standing back-to-back like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.”
He added: “That’s me and the Queen that, lad.”
Rickie Lambert fact file:
Only four years ago, Rickie Lambert was playing for Accrington Stanley Ladies Under 9s
Rickie Lambert was signed by then League One side Southampton “for a laugh”
Rickie Lambert won a bronze medal in the pole vault at the 1936 Berlin Olympics
Rickie Lambert is no relation to Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert