Redknapp Trial Latest Shock Twist: Dog Accepts Full Responsibility

Fake News » Redknapp Trial Latest Shock Twist: Dog Accepts Full Responsibility

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Harry and Rosie Redknapp
Harry and Rosie... Not pictured: Milan Mandaric

Rosie Redknapp has accepted responsibility for setting up the offshore bank account that saw her owner Harry, manager of Tottenham Hotspur, appear in front of court for alleged tax evasion.

Harry, who controversially decided to dress as Henry Kissinger for yesterday’s trial at Southwark Crown Court, was accused of “feigning” ignorance of the Monaco account, opened under the name Rosie 47, to which payments totalling hundreds of thousands of pounds were made in relation to transfers involving England stars Peter Crouch and Rio Ferdinand.

However, Rosie, a bulldog, has finally spoken up in defence of her eminent master, insisting that it was in fact her that flew to the tax haven in 2002 in order to open the secret account for receipt of “off-the-record” payments.

She said: “I accept full responsibility for opening the offshore account under my name, and I must stress that Harry was completely oblivious of it the whole time.

“He was managing Portsmouth at the time so obviously he wasn’t using his passport much. I saw it lying on his desk one day and I was about to tear it playfully to shreds when it suddenly occurred to me that I could easily pass as Harry if I scrubbed up a bit and maintained an irritable facial expression.

“This realisation spiralled into a convoluted plot which involved me learning how to operate a telephone and pronounce things like ‘t’rrific’, ‘yeah, he’s a good boy’ and ‘well, I’ve got this little offshore account that I suppose the money could, you know, rest in for a little while’.

“I accumulated a nice little nest-egg for my efforts, and I’d have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you pesky humans. Harry already told you once that he’s not a wheeler-dealer, and did you listen? Did you doggybiscuits.

“I suppose you could try to send me to jail, but I’m a dog.”

When asked to explain why the account name included the number 47, the year her master was born, Rosie said: “That was simply the amount of bugs I’d eaten on that particular day. Honestly, you people really overthink things don’t you? Always adding 2 and 2 and coming out with 5.”

She added: “That wasn’t a crack about Harry’s accounting, by the way.”

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