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Real football set to make comeback after two-week absence

After two franchiseless weeks of relative strangers competing to enter a competition most of them have no chance of winning...it's back, baby.

Football
Football… Here is one

Real football with actual, proper teams is set to return to a stadium and/or screen near you this weekend.

The sport, missed, had been thought to be a pale imitation of what it was back when its participants were all overweight thugs with comedy moustaches heading medicine balls at each other until they could literally stand no more.

However, after two franchiseless weeks of relative strangers competing to enter a competition that the vast majority of them haven’t a cat in Hell’s chance of winning, suddenly the series of overblown Barclays adverts seems impossibly desirable.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Dave, an England fan from England, attested to being overjoyed at the prospect of once again becoming Dave, an Aston Villa fan from Solihull.

He said: “Can’t. Take. Any. More. Internationals.

“So. Bored. Can. Barely. Keep. Eyes.

“Open.”

Padraig, a Republic of Ireland fan from Wicklow, said something or other that padded out the rest of this article quite nicely thank you very much.

It’s Friday and nothing’s happened.

Let’s just get out of here.

More: England Republic of Ireland