Gets won by Ronaldo at lavish ceremony in front of bemused guests.
300-mile journey not so funny all of a sudden.
Publications uncharacteristically fail to spot obvious pun.
Shanghai Shenhua also hope to lure Watford's Odion Ighalo with promise of naming cinema after him.
Replaces man with boring, unrefined Irish name.
In-form star bagged his third consecutive brace in 2-0 win over Chelsea.
3-3 draw at Bournemouth sees inners and outers come to nonsensical compromise.
Man City boss spends all day being irritable prick around the house.
Mike Dean's heroic intervention allows normal service to be resumed worldwide.
Enhances Man Utd star's prototype, holds New Year's Day launch party at Emirates.