“I still didn’t feel like enough of a tw*t”: Pogba explains handball against Liverpool

New haircut and customised emoji launch weren't quite enough to fulfil Man Utd star's tw*ttish urges.

“You know what, give us that Harry Kane guy instead,” say Chinese teams

Clubs agree with two-bit satirical websites to release statement in comedic pidgin English.

“I would join striking Payet on picket line,” says Jeremy Corbyn

"I'd ask him about freedom of movement but he probably thinks it has to do with getting a new stadium," says Labour leader.

Graham Taylor reaffirms dislike of orange by dying just days before Trump inauguration

Former England manager spared ignominy of living to see reality TV star become President.

Man City “all hepped up on goofballs”: report

Pep Guardiola's side "filling their boots like Shaun Ryder at the Hacienda".

Man Utd issue trigger warning for news they’ve triggered clause to keep Fellaini

Apparently some fans still doubt the scourge of Hull.

Face of Moyes appears in clouds over Old Trafford during EFL Cup semi

Goals from Mata and Fellaini prompt celestial apparition during 2-0 win over Hull.

Koeman demands bionic Lukaku after tantrum lands him Schneiderlin

Everton boss spent yesterday stomping his feet and screaming.

Fifa’s proposed World Cup expansion threatens to bankrupt Panini sticker collectors

New format threatens thousands with financial meltdown.