New haircut and customised emoji launch weren't quite enough to fulfil Man Utd star's tw*ttish urges.
Clubs agree with two-bit satirical websites to release statement in comedic pidgin English.
"I'd ask him about freedom of movement but he probably thinks it has to do with getting a new stadium," says Labour leader.
Former England manager spared ignominy of living to see reality TV star become President.
Pep Guardiola's side "filling their boots like Shaun Ryder at the Hacienda".
Apparently some fans still doubt the scourge of Hull.
Goals from Mata and Fellaini prompt celestial apparition during 2-0 win over Hull.
Everton boss spent yesterday stomping his feet and screaming.
New format threatens thousands with financial meltdown.