Next door’s cat “could be next Wolves manager”, confirm Morgan ‘n’ Moxey

Fake News » Next door’s cat “could be next Wolves manager”, confirm Morgan ‘n’ Moxey

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Cat jumps
If ever there was a cat that had no interest in the Wolves job, it’s this cat (Image: Les Chatfield)

Wolverhampton Wanderers BFFs Steve Morgan and Jez Moxey have confirmed that next door’s cat is one of the candidates they have discussed with regards succeeding outgoing manager Dean Saunders.

The Welshman, Welsh, was tipped out of the Molineux hot seat after getting the Midlands giants relegated from the Championship, with others to have managed Wolves during the present season including Ståle Solbakken, Dave Bassett, television’s Jamie Theakston and some crank purporting to be Kurt Cobain.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Morgan ‘n’ Moxey acknowledged the credentials possessed by next door’s cat to be the next Wolves manager, although they do intend to ask it if it can play the Karl Henry role.

They said: “Next door’s cat has shown absolutely no interest in becoming the next Wolves manager, which undeniably makes it an outstanding candidate.

“Even when we tried to stroke it, it just sort of hissed at us and scampered away. That’s the kind of attitude we’re looking for in our next manager. Frankly, there’s good reason to be suspicious of anyone who does want the job.

“Also, previous incumbents of the Molineux hot seat – yes, we do talk to each other like that, sometimes over walkie talkies – have been far too keen for our liking. Dean Saunders brought a muffin basket to the interview, Ståle took us all rock climbing – we need a different approach.

“Terry Connor serenaded us with jazz piano for just shy of forty minutes. He didn’t seem to pick up on our discomfort at all.”

When asked what sort of wages the cat was demanding for its services, Morgan ‘n’ Moxey said they were at an “advanced stage of discussions” with regards obtaining permission to use Jamie O’Hara, Roger Johnson and Kevin Doyle as meat for a new flavour of Whiskas with the working title ‘Wolfmeat Jelly’.

They said of next door’s cat: “If it doesn’t accept the player meat as remuneration then it can go **** itself.”

Meanwhile, Dean Saunders has been told once again by Doncaster Rovers that, no, he can’t have his old job back.

Saunders said: “I’ll ask again tomorrow morning just in case they’ve changed their minds.”

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