Nathan Dyer “still out there trying to net a third”, confirms Laudrup

Fake News » Nathan Dyer “still out there trying to net a third”, confirms Laudrup

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Nathan Dyer and Mikel Arteta
In his mind, Dyer has upgraded the opposition to Arsenal (Img: Ronnie Macdonald)

Swansea City forward Nathan Dyer is refusing to leave the Wembley pitch until he completes his hattrick, his manager Michael Laudrup has confirmed.

The Chris Rock lookalike, a Sagittarius, was left a trifle miffed when designated penalty taker Jonathan De Guzman denied him the personal accolade by, you know, doing the professional and respectful thing and taking the Swans’ penalty in yesterday’s 5-0 League Cup final win over League Seventeen outfit Bradford City.

Despite spending the rest of the match on a self-centered quest for a third, Dyer was unable to make the breakthrough and he remains out there, on the pitch by himself, beating invisible opponents and wellying shots into the stands left, right and centre.

Laudrup said: “By this point it’s become a bit of a psychological hurdle for Nathan, one that was compounded when Garry Monk reminded him of Scott Sinclair’s hattrick in the playoff final against Reading.

“It’s never nice to see a player struggling so badly in front of goal, especially the day after scoring twice in a cup final, but Nathan’s adamant that he’s not coming back until he gets his third and we have to respect his wishes.

“I’ve gone out there and tried reasoning with him but he won’t be swayed. That’s the kind of guy he is.”

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Dyer insisted that he’s not fazed by the fact that it’s been about twelve hours since the full time whistle went, and therefore that any goal he did manage to score would not be recorded by anyone other than himself.

He said: “As a professional, you can’t allow those sorts of things to get to you.

“Over the last few hours, some people – the groundsman, maintenance staff, my teammates – have come up to me and said, ‘Come on Nathan, it’s time to go home lad.’ I just say, ‘Sorry, once I’ve got my mind set on something, I’ll stop at nothing to get it. That’s just the way I am and I make no apologies for it.’

“That really is, verbatim, what I said to each and every one of them, although I might have been a little more taciturn with Jonathan. He knows what he did, and it’s him who’ll have to live with it.

“Get in goal for this one, will you?”

He added: “Oof, off both posts! Still, getting closer, eh?”

De Guzman was unavailable for comment as he was too busy doing the job he gets paid to do.

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