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Moyes training methods criticised by dinosaur-obsessed weirdo

Dutch oddball also accuses United boss of being "some kind of lobster-like creature".

By Jonny Abrams

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Jurassic Park
Moyes hit back by swinging his mighty tail and stomping off in search of Jeff Goldblum (Image: FabSubeject)

Is David Moyes training his Manchester United players too hard? That’s the opinion of a weird Dutch guy who can’t stop mentioning dinosaurs and clowns every five seconds.

‘Outspoken’ fitness coach Raymond Verheijen, odd, hit out at the Scottish ginger man after Robin van Persie was withdrawn from a friendly match as a precautionary measure.

He cited the move as indisputable evidence of Moyes’s propensity for mauling goats and generally stomping about in pursuit of any vehicle that happens to have Jeff Goldblum wisecracking in the back of it.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Verheijen also accused Moyes of being a “clown”, a “scientific cowboy” and “some kind of lobster-like creature”.

He roared: “The dinosaurs are coming! Waaaauuurrrggghhh!

“I should be manager of Manchester United – ME! Not this dino-clown lobster cowboy charlatan.

“When will you Brits learn? Huh? When? Eh? Well?

“You won’t win anything with dinosaurs. Alan Hansen said that, and now he is one.

“It just shows what can happen when you entrust your football teams to robotic space lizards with rabies.”

He added: “Sssshhhh!

“There’s a monster under the bed. He’ll eat our bones if we’re not careful.”

Speaking exclusively to a far more reputable publication, Moyes glared with those mad eyes and somehow implanted the words “stop wasting my time” into everybody’s minds without saying a word.

Is David Moyes training his players incorrectly? Have your say in the comments section below, and be sure to do so in the least credible way possible.