A triumphant José Mourinho told FC Zorya Luhansk that “[their] boys took one hell of a beating” as Man Utd added another chapter to their pantheon of great European nights.
Zlatan Ibrahimović’s second-half goal brought Old Trafford to its feet on a momentous night in the Europa League, with commemorative T-shirts on sale outside the ground even before the full-time whistle sounded.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mourinho puffed out his cheeks and reflected as best he could on the epoch-defining 1-0 win.
He said: “Football, bloody hell!
“I want to say something and I want to be clear. So listen, and listen good.
“Ahem: Yuriy Vernydub. Yevhen Heller. Dmytro Grechyshkin. Oleksandr Karavaev. Zeljko Ljubenovic. Oleksii Shevchenko.
“Mila Kunis. Milla Jovovic. Karina Smirnoff. Andrei Kanchelskis – yes, I know he played for Russia, but he was born in Ukraine.
“Where was I? Oh yeah. Yevhen Opanasenko. Emmanuel Bonaventure Dennis. Igor Sikorsky. Bursswatz Plelaflaffnon-Jorxlesnelp.
“Vitali Klitschko. Wladimir Klitschko. Mila Kunis again, just because. Andriy Shevchenko. Your boys took one hell of a beating!”
Mila Kunis was unavailable for comment.