Metaphysicians discover alternate reality where West Ham always stuff Man City
- By Football Burp
Metaphysicians claim to have stumbled upon the existence of a parallel universe where West Ham United are constantly thrashing Manchester City.
The philosophical boffins made the discovery while unwinding in front of City’s 4-0 win at the Hammers following a hard day’s philosophically boffining.
City of course won 5-0 at the London Stadium in the 3rd round of the FA Cup a few weeks ago, and in 2014 they won a League Cup semi-final tie between the two sides about 385-0 on aggregate.
As Gabriel Jesus and Leroy Sané ran rampant, one eagle-eyed boffin noticed the fabric of the universe tearing ever so slightly under the enormous strain of City’s sheer domination.
Crawling through the rip in the space-time continuum, the boffin found himself entering a world where nothing was quite as it seemed.
He said: “Andy Carroll was just completing a hat-trick of overhead kicks to make the score 6-0 on the stroke of half-time.
“I heard someone in the crowd say, ‘At this rate we’re on course to better the 11-0 win against them five days ago.
“There was a newspaper lying around, and all the news stories related to West Ham thrashing Man City, like a tweet from the President reading, ‘See Man City are capitulating to West Ham again. Sad!’
“And there was never a referendum on EU membership because Russell Brand won the last election for Labour on a wave of pro West Ham sentiment.
“And Mark Noble captained England to victory at Euro 2016.”