The northeast of England was in lockdown last night as fans of Newcastle United and Sunderland clashed over which of their clubs got the better deal out of reigning Premier League champions Manchester United this summer.
As Alan Pardew hailed the addition to his squad of out-of-favour Red Devils winger Gabriel Obertan, thousands of Wearsiders took to the internet to express their amusement via the medium of David Bellion comparisons.
However, their Geordie counterparts have since come out in swathes to defend the move as “cannier business than handing massive contracts te daft aad radges like Wes Brown and John O’Shea”.
Micky Mulberry, a Newcastle fan from Gosforth, said: “At 22, Gabriel’s ernly a bairn but he’s played in the Champions League, man. Those red and white mairks’ll dee well te think of tha when they’re watching them aad doilers dunshin’ into opposition forwards wi’out gettin’ anywhere near the baal.
“But that’s Mackems fer yee – mental mental chicken oriental, aal of ‘em.”
Tony Tomlinson, a Sunderland fan from Ashbrooke, said: “Ah was in Roker gannin’ for a plodge in the watta when I heard the Skunks had signed Oobertan. Ah thought, ‘Thay not wired up reet!’
“If they reckoned we was tekkin’ Sir Alex’s gook wi’ Brown an’ O’Shea, imagine what they’ll think when they see Oobertan gannin’ arse oover tit each Sarrada.
“There’ll be ructions on, ah tell ya.”
Mulberry said: “Yor git thick yee, like.”
Tomlinson said: “Wee yay talkin’ tee, ah’ll gi’ ya a friggin’ clout in a minute.”
Mulberry said: “Ah was anly friskin’, man.”
Tomlinson said: “Dinit. That’s shan that, like.”
Mulberry said: “Sorry, Tony. Look what we’re doing – we shouldn’t be fighting each other at a time like this.”
Tomlinson said: “Couldn’t agree more, old fruit.”
He added: “Couldn’t agree more.”