Liverpool signings force Carragher into Sky Sports resignation

Fake News » Liverpool signings force Carragher into Sky Sports resignation

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Liverpool signings forced Carragher into retirement
Carragher… Resigning (Image: md.faisalzaman)

Liverpool signings have been rife this summer, but until now the only collateral damage had been done to Southampton’s chances of fielding a team for the 2014-15 season.

With news today that Brendan Rodgers is set to add Dejan Lovren and Loïc Rémy to his Reds squad, Anfield hero Jamie Carragher has announced his resignation from Sky Sports due to “pronunciation difficulties”.

Carragher’s inaugural campaign as a pundit had captivated viewers nationwide, not least his phlegmtastic attempts at saying words such as ‘Sakho’ and ‘psychologically’.

However, the former England defender has decided to step down rather than spend the next nine months trying to wrap his tongue around the names of new Liverpool signings Lallana, Origi and Marković.

He bemoaned: “Lallana and Origi both force me into a dead mad upwards inflection on the middle syllable – La-LLA-na, O-RI-gi – and the extent to which I have to cock me head back to say ’em could send me tumbling out me chair live on telly.

“I knew when it was the right time to announce me retirement from playing, and I get a similar feeling whenever I try to say ‘Loïc’ and me gob fills up with saliva.

“Maybe the Saliva Bird could be Liverpool’s new emblem? That would be boss, that – I’d probably stick around if that happened.

“Otherwise, I’d feel like a bad queg getting all frothy at the mouth while Gary Neville readjusts his tie all stylishly an’ tha’.”

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