Lithuania vanquished by England’s footballing nonpareils

Fake News » Lithuania vanquished by England’s footballing nonpareils

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England were this morning still being hailed for yesterday’s comprehensive 2-0 dismantling of Lithuania, in what is already being described as “a thinly veiled pre-Brexit propaganda campaign”.

Gareth Southgate’s fierce and proud Three Lions swatted aside their overwhelmed opponents at Wembley, taking a step closer to qualifying for the 2018 Hooligan Olympics in Russia in the process.

34-year-old Jermain Defoe returned to the side to open the scoring, completing a mesmerising tale of redemption that began in 2014 when he left the Premier League to go and play for Toronto FC.

Such was Defoe’s desperation for an immediate return that he even offered to sign for Sunderland, a footballing walk of shame that would eventually lead back into the national team.

Leicester City’s Jamie Vardy added a second-half second, kicking off what’s sure to be a great week for him in light of the imminent triggering of Article 50.

Make no mistake – Britain’s back, baby.

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