Leicester thrashing restores normality worldwide
- By Football Burp
Normality has been restored worldwide by Leicester City’s 4-1 humping at the hands of Liverpool, we can confirm.
As last season’s shock champions were plunged back into mediocrity, planet Earth immediately shed its more surreal aspects.
Donald Trump resigned his candidacy for presidency, leaving the United States in the safe hands of a shady cabal of corporate alliances and drone strike enthusiasts.
Jeremy Corbyn stood aside as Labour leader and urged his followers to get behind the neoliberal hegemony, which he admitted was “probably for the best after all, thinking on”.
ISIS closed their social media wing and returned to living in caves, citing their disillusion at Danny Drinkwater’s recent low-key performances.
Elsewhere, Ed Balls left Strictly Come Dancing, all Pokemon disappeared from Google maps and Boaty McBoatface changed his name back to Sir David Attenborough.
Riyad Mahrez returned to Ligue 2 side Le Havre, admitting he’d been as baffled as anyone by his season-long metamorphosis into Diego Maradona.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Leicester boss Claudio Ranieri described his relief at no longer being subject to any kind of expectations.
He said: “I’m really very tired, so I’m quite looking forward to being sacked in December.
“There’s a lot around the house that needs tinkering with, so frankly I’ll be grateful for the time off.
“All our Champions League fixtures have been cancelled and Danny Simpson has promised to get roasted by any even remotely competent winger before signing for QPR in January.
“I’d like to formally welcome you all back to normality and I invite you to kick back and enjoy the dystopian inequality that global capitalism demands of us.
“Pep v Mourinho should be fun too.”