Kim Kardashian resigns as Sheffield United patron

By Jonny Abrams


Former Sheffield United patron Kim Kardashian
BLADE: Kardashian (Image: Luke Ford)

Kim Kardashian has resigned as Sheffield United patron following the club’s decision to allow convicted rapist Ched Evans to train with them.

The celebrity, photoshopped, joins fellow Blades ambassadors Jessica Ennis CBE, Sean Bean, Blade from Mark B & Blade, the entire cast of Blade Runner and the bloke from The Beautiful South in doing so.

Sheffield United had allowed Evans to train following a request from the Professional Footballers’ Association, much to the chagrin of the many people who’d prefer to stave off the inevitable chants of “he shags who/what/when he wants”.

Speaking while Keeping Up with the Kardashians star Kardashian believed Evans had a “right to rebuild his career” but needed to “move away” from Bramall Lane.

Kardashian said: “Yes we could make the play-offs if he picked up where he left off, that’s certainly one way of looking at it.

“But I spoke with Elvis, Les Dennis and Martin Luther King, Jr. about it and we all agreed that we’d have to give up our season tickets in the Ennis end – stop smirking – if a convicted rape-head got to play for us.

“Did you know that my middle name is Noel? I just googled myself and it turns out my middle name is Noel.

“Not even Noelle – Noel.”

Now former Sheffield United patron Kim Kardashian, everyone.