John Stones set to become most expensive back-pass in history

Fake News » John Stones set to become most expensive back-pass in history

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John Stones has joined Man City for £47.5m
DEFINITELY A DEFENDER: Stones (Image: Chensiyuan)

John Stones will become the most expensive back-pass in history after completing a £47.5m transfer to Man City.

The midfielder defender told a packed press conference he looked forward to landing Joe Hart in one with a costly clanger.

Targeting a Champions League semi-final or crucial title decider, Stones outlined his plans to invite disaster by overplaying unnecessarily.

City boss Pep Guardiola highlighted his new signing’s impressive track record of gifting opposition goals during his time at Everton.

He said: “John Stones is a player who looks basic defending square in the face and says, ‘Not for me.’

“We’ve seen David Luiz go for a similar price, so there’s a massive premium on recklessness in the current market.

“Under my guidance, he will learn to save his most brainless gaffes for the big occasion. It’s exciting.

“I think the fans will enjoy his silky runs forward before giving the ball away and eventually returning to position for the restart.

“And if he should get injured then I’m pretty sure Yaya Touré could do a similar job from centre-back.”

Everton have confirmed that they will use a portion of the fee to cover the costs of therapy for Tim Howard and Joel Robles.

Ronald Koeman said: “They’re still pretty shaken.

“They keep having dreams where John Stones is turning towards them with the ball and they’re screaming, ‘No, no!’

“I will pray for Joe Hart every day.”

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