Joey Barton now “100 per cent convinced he’s Roy Keane”
- By Football Burp
Joey Barton has now fully convinced himself that he is Roy Keane, according to reports.
Barton is currently suspended by Rangers for coercing youth team players into competing in illegal cockfights, and then punching them.
It turns out his latest wave of wrongdoing is merely a promotional tool for his seventeenth book, Barton: Fink.
In the book, Barton recalls kicking Xabi Alonso into a threshing machine for stealing his parking space.
Much to the concern of family and friends, he also recounts powering Manchester United to Champions League success with a series of all-action midfield displays.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a pal of Barton’s described the shocking levels of delusion in evidence.
He said: “He’s even adopted a Cork accent, it’s terrifying.
“Show him a video of United’s 1999 semi-final against Juventus, and whenever Roy Keane wins the ball and drives forward Joey points to the screen and says ‘me that, lad’.
“If you even so much as hesitate to agree with him, he burns both your eyes out with a lit cigar and eats them.
“I’ve already lost two eyes this way.”