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“I’m back! How’s it all…oh dear god,” roars startled N’Golo Kanté

Chelsea midfielder returns to scene of total carnage.

By Jonny Abrams

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Chelsea midfielder N'Golo Kanté
STARTLED: Kanté (Image: Dim50)

Chelsea’s N’Golo Kanté returned from a hamstring injury to find scenes of carnage that stopped his cheerful disposition dead in its tracks, we can confirm.

The France midfielder was still absent as his side crashed to a 3-0 defeat at Roma which featured the most comical defending since Lionel Hutz moved for a “bad court thingy”.

And he arrived at Chelsea’s Cobham training ground this morning to find Antonio Rüdiger on fire, Tiémoué Bakayoko getting chased by a cat and David Luiz stepping on a succession of rakes.

Kanté said: “Hey everyone, I’m back! How’s it all…oh dear god.

“Let me just put my belongings in my locker and I’ll see what I can do about all the fire, cats and rakes.

“Sigh.”