“I’m a Blade” – Judy Finnigan Ched Evans defence explained
- By Football Burp
It’s the Judy Finnigan Ched Evans defence that’s had us all frantically calling LBC to give our opinion, and now we can exclusively reveal the shocking real reason behind it.
Morning television stalwart Finnigan, influential, incurred widespread criticism for publicly backing the disgraced footballer’s quest for re-employment following a two-year stint in prison for rape.
Reasoning that it “wasn’t the most violent rape in the world, probably no worse than Wenger’s shove on Mourinho when all’s said and done”, the Madeley missus warned against excessively punishing a player who scored 35 goals in a season for Sheffield United just before it all blew up in his stupid face.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Finnigan initially argued that enforcing such nebulous employment sanctions would set a dangerous precedent.
She then paused, sighed deeply and said: “Okay, I admit it – I’m a die-hard Sheffield United supporter who just wants to see Ched back in the side scoring goals.
“It all began during the early days of This Morning… when we had Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle on to promote their ‘Diamond Lights’ single.
“At the post-program buffet I spied Waddle filling his pockets with sausage rolls and French Francies – but when I confronted him about it, he denied everything.
“Needless to say, when I saw him popping up for Sheffield Wednesday in the ‘steel city derby’ FA Cup semi-final of 1993, I immediately started rooting for the other side.
“Of course it helped that Alan Cork was so dashing – don’t tell Richard I said that! – and my love for Sheffield United increased exponentially during their promotion season of 2005-06.
“That was a great side – Neil Shipperley and David Unsworth made me feel so svelte, a boost to my self-esteem I’d been in need of ever since my infamous wardrobe malfunction at the National Television Awards.
“I would later fall in love with James Beattie for much the same reason, but by then the This Morning… crew had already started referring to me by the nickname ‘Blade’.
“This intimidating moniker came in handy after Richard’s on-air Ali G impression. A lot of nefarious underground figures sent us threats after that.”
She continued: “It’s nice that Nigel Clough is our manager now.
“We had his father Brian on the show in 1994 to promote his autobiography, and Nigel tagged along so he could have a little run around on Fred Talbot’s floating weather map.
“Such a nice boy. Nigel, that is – we don’t talk about Fred any more.”
There you have it, everyone – the Judy Finnigan Ched Evans defence explained. You can go back to your homes now.