“I will shove people and kick water bottles next season, here or elsewhere” roars Wenger

Fake News » “I will shove people and kick water bottles next season, here or elsewhere” roars Wenger

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Arsène Wenger will shove and kick somewhere next season
NOT DONE YET: Wenger (Image: Jason Clogg)

A defiant Arsène Wenger today vowed to be shoving people and booting water bottles into the air on a touchline next season, whether it be at Arsenal or elsewhere.

The Gunners boss came under renewed pressure when he failed to shove enough people or kick enough bottles to avert a 5-1 defeat at Bayern Munich in the Champions League the other night.

But it’s not half as much pressure as he’ll be under if his side fail to advance to the next round of the FA Cup against a team of plastic Subbuteo figures.

With speculation mounting that he might not be shoving and kicking for Arsenal next season, Wenger declared himself open to the possibility of taking on a new job.

He said: “Why le f*** not?

“I’ve been here for about a thousand years anyway. That’s why a home defeat to Watford doesn’t faze me.

“Is a tree fazed by a child falling of a bicycle and twisting their ankle? Non.

“A tree has seen many things.”

Then he just got up and left the room.

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