“I F**ked You, Amigo!” Roars Delighted Martinez As Latics Start Doing That Thing Again

Fake News » “I F**ked You, Amigo!” Roars Delighted Martinez As Latics Start Doing That Thing Again

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Wigan Athletic manager Roberto Martinez
Martinez... F**ked you (Img: Hindleyite)

Wigan Athletic have been totally f**king with you, amigo, according to their manager Roberto Martinez.

The Latics’ 2-1 win at Arsenal last night was their fourth in five games, a sequence which has also taken in a 2-1 win at Liverpool, a 1-0 dismantling of supreme Premier League overlords Manchester United at the DW Stadium, and a 2-1 defeat at Chelsea which could quite easily have been the other way around had referee Mike Jones not been embroiled in the fourth plateau of a DXM trip at the time.

Martinez, whose way of pronouncing ‘result’ like ‘Yakult’ is oddly satisfying to the ear and could quite conceivably catch on, responded to one reporter’s question of why his Wigan side only start performing in March each season with a smile of recognition, a glance around the room and then some really rather raucous guffawing.

He said: “Eh, come on, amigo, it’s a bit of fun. We like to f**k you all, it’s good for morale.”

When asked about his team’s run of nine consecutive defeats between September 10th and November 6th, Martinez tilted his head pensively and mouthed the names of various rival clubs while keeping count on his fingers.

He then leant back, extended both arms and said with a warm smile: “Aaaaahhhh! We f**ked you, amigo. We really f**ked you with this. Hahaha!”

After someone else in the room mentioned Wigan’s five consecutive defeats in January, Martinez stopped smiling, furrowed his brow and said: “Eh, come on, hombre, we f**ked you, let’s leave it at that.”

He added: “Now, who likes patatas bravas? My wife, secret recipe, mwah!”

The room emptied within seconds, with utterances of “ooh, patatas bravas” occasionally audible over the din.

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