Hollywood’s top stars were this morning falling over themselves to be seen turning down the Liverpool job, according to Burp’s American correspondents.
As Kim Kardashian and Mila Kunis became the latest personalities to publicly rule themselves out of the running to replace Kenny Dalglish at Anfield, household names including Kanye West, Hulk Hogan and the guy who plays Stifler in the American Pie movies were said to be readying statements distancing themselves from the exalted position, although Ellen DeGeneres has said she’d do it if her talk show were to be unexpectedly cancelled, which probably won’t happen any time soon because everyone loves Ellen DeGeneres.
Mel Gibson said: “It’s tempting – certainly Lucas’s return from injury should provide much-needed defensive protection – but ultimately I can’t afford to take that kind of chance with my reputation.
“The Anfield faithful may claim otherwise but they are quick to voice their disapproval, as my good buddy Roy Hodgson found out to his cost and Kenny would have found if he’d been pretty much anyone else.
“They expect the best there but they’re nowhere near equipped to achieve that. Good luck to them, but I shan’t be throwing my name into the ring – and that statement is for immediate release.
“How about ‘No Mel at Melwood’ or something along those lines?”
Tom Hanks was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press.