Hazard kicks ball boy, seals all-bird League Cup final, everyone well shocked
- By Football Burp
Eden Hazard kicks ball boy in shocking shocker SHOCKER as Chelsea bow out of the League Cup to Brian Laudrup’s swashbuckling Swans, it has been unfolded.
Oh no he di’uhnt!
The Swans, Swansea City, webbed Rafael Benitez’s erratic side everywhere with a barnstorming 0-0 draw that quite literally had egg on everyone’s faces, including yours, and the Welsh fellas will now take their place in the final as favourites against Bradford ‘Bantams’ City.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, an actual bantam clucked and squawked a bit, puffing out its chest intermittently as if to say, “I wouldn’t rule the League Two side out, you know – they’ll be well fired up.”
It said: “BRRRRAAAAAWWWWWWK!
It added: “[Sound of seeds being chomped]”
The ball boy kicking sealed another great slice of Chelsea folklore to go with Ashley Cole shooting someone with an air rifle and John Terry being all racist up in Anton Ferdinand’s face.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Rafael Benitez accused Marco Materazzi of lying about something or other, I mean who the hell cares, even going as far as gawping like a drunken fool and slurring, “Duuuhhh, look at me, I’m Marco Matterazzi!”
He said: “This is Materazzi, right – [lets rip with honking fart].
“**** the ball boy and **** you.”
Okay, Benitez mightn’t have actually said this, but give it a few more days and another Chelsea player will’ve brutally attacked someone else and you’ll’ve forgotten all about it.
Check that out. Double apostrophe.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Demba Ba confirmed that, like Fernando Torres, he is now inexplicably rubbish and that’ll be the end of it.