A French guy with a dead cool name is set to run for Fifa presidency against current long-time incumbent, the evil and charismatic Sepp Blatter.
Jérôme Champagne, seriously, has in the past worked for Fifa as an executive – but now he’s back for the top job.
The hot seat. The big cannoli. The number 1 gig in town.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Monsieur Champagne came across as a bubbly sort of chap with a touch of class.
He said, in French: “I regret that I have imparted this impression of myself on you inadvertently by dint of my exceedingly cool name.
“Just because my name is Champagne, it doesn’t mean I’m bubbly – I’m actually quite the serious type, just ask my wife Marjorie.
“And it doesn’t necessarily make me classy. I could be just as ignorant, corrupt and downright brazen as the worst of ’em.
“My Fifa presidency could be an unmitigated disaster. I could be the kind of psychopath that awards a World Cup to Qatar or issues an instruction to settle racism disputes with a handshake.
“I’m not saying I am, I’m just saying you don’t know that. But yes, it is true that my name is exceptionally jazzy.”
Sepp Blatter was unavailable for comment as he was busy scouting out the moon with a view to holding press conferences there.