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Gerard Deulofeu Everton move puts Scottish independence on agenda

With Barcelona starlet Gerard Deulofeu Everton bound, Scottish independence may now be only a matter of days away.

Gerard Deulofeu
You can’t spell ‘Deulofeu’ without ‘EU’ (Image: Castroquini)

With Barcelona starlet Gerard Deulofeu Everton bound, Scottish independence may now be only a matter of days away.

The potential independence, Scottish, was cast into doubt by Andy Murray’s Wimbledon heroics before promptly being ushered back into consideration by Alex Salmond’s celebration of Andy Murray’s Wimbledon heroics.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, ex-Chancellor and No campaigner Alistair Darling advised the Prime Minister that ties with Scotland had now been rendered unnecessary by the Toffees’ change of transfer policy.

He said: “I know I said that Scottish independence would be like a one-way ticket to send our children to a deeply uncertain destination – hands up, I was wrong.

“It’ll shut that Salmond up for starters and if Everton are loaning Barcelona starlets then, well, that’s the final nail in the coffin of Scotland’s footballing prowess and therefore relevance.

“I call upon the Prime Minister to cobble together a hastily arranged referendum and get it over with.

“We’d have one less world class sportsman and we’d have to move Trident, but there’d be a sharp rise in average life expectancy.”

A keynote TV debate will now take place involving David Moyes, Walter Smith, Steven Naismith, Duncan Ferguson, David Weir and James McFadden.

If all goes well, Scottish independence will undergo a medical in time for Saturday’s clash with promotion rivals FC Congestion Charge.

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