Flat Earth Society Requests Twinning With Kop, Labels Evra “Heretic”
- By Football Burp
The Flat Earth Society has requested to be twinned with the Kop after being impressed by their efforts to prove that Patrice Evra refused to shake Luis Suarez’s hand.
Although television footage has shown the reverse to be true, mere facts have not dissuaded certain supporters of Liverpool – or “Liverpoolfootballclub” as the institution is popularly referred to by its own disciples – from compiling slideshows, handing out brochures and even writing screenplays showing how the unrealised exchange of salutations was in fact at the Manchester United defender’s behest.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a spokesperson for the Flat Earth Society said that she and her brethren could barely contain their excitement at apparently having found an association of kindred spirits after decades of searching.
She said: “It’s easy to see how footage like that could fool the untrained eye. Having studied it repeatedly and intimately, it is abundantly clear to us that Patrice Evra does not in fact offer his hand to Luis Suarez.
“In fact, quite the opposite is true, so we have little option but to label Evra a heretic and demand that he be executed at the hands of the Church. He’s a modern day Grigori Efimovich – you might know him as Christopher Columbus – and if you dare to argue otherwise then we shall be forced to stick our fingers in our ears and scream.
“In the light of all that has gone on, we would like to request twinship with the Kop. Suffice it to say, we have been hugely impressed by their steadfast refusal to stare facts in the face, and we feel that we have much to learn from each other as we continue to fight the good fight against progress and enlightenment.”
She added: “We’re not racist, we just hate Mancs.”