Fantasy football managers contest Agüero charge

Fake News » Fantasy football managers contest Agüero charge

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This young fantasy football managers opposes the Agüero charge
This child’s team could be left in ruins (Image: Archiboldian)

Incensed fantasy football managers have contested Sergio Agüero’s violent conduct charge for elbowing West Ham’s Winston Reid.

The Man City striker looks set for a three-match ban, fueling widespread confusion and despair with regards captaincy selection.

Fantasy managers allege that any ban will unduly punish them given that in one hundred per cent of cases they played no role in the incident.

And the situation has been further complicated by the prospective banning of Burnley striker Andre Gray for historical horribleness.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Gareth, a fantasy football manager who picked Gray in his side as a “cheap enabler” for Agüero, was livid.

He said: “Here’s the deal – I’ve got both of them in my side and I’ve already spent four points bringing in Alexis Sánchez in the thus-far-mistaken belief his price would rise.

“I don’t want to play my wildcard yet but nor do I want to fritter away more points on further changes.

“So what can I do? Line up with nine men? What if more of my players get injured on international duty? Have the FA thought of that?

“There are many thousands of people in my position and we’ve all performed some pretty radical mental gymnastics to justify our feeling aggrieved.

“First of all, what’s a bit of an elbow between footballers, I mean really? They can kick the ball, sometimes very hard, but they can’t elbow an opponent in the face? I mean, come on.

“And who cares what Andre Gray had to say about anything until this season? Was he in my fantasy team when he advocated burning homosexuals? No.

“So I fail to see why I should be punished for what are in essence the failings of an overly officious and bureaucratic FA.

“Scratch that – I’ve just this moment decided to realign my whole outlook on life to chime with Gray’s tweets, and I now see him as some kind of martyr.

“Justice for Andre Gray! Don’t let the fascists ban him from lining up at home to Hull in Gameweek 4! Can I fit all that on a T-shirt do you reckon?

“Sod it, it’s Friday, I’m going to go get drunk somewhere.”

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