EXCLUSIVE: Next Blackburn manager to be a mayfly
- By Football Burp
Blackburn Rovers are set to announce a mayfly as Michael Appleton’s successor in the Ewood Park hot seat, with discussions already underway as to who or what will replace it when it dies.
The insect, aquatic, has spent the last year taking its coaching badges as a nymph on a freshwater lake, but with metamorphosis nearing completion it has been identified by Venky’s as the right
man thing to continue the recent work of Appleton, Henning Berg and Steve Kean.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the mayfly claimed that Venky’s were impressed with its short life expectancy and willingness to accept orders.
It said: “Henning and Michael were too human-sized – the Venky’s guys wanted something they could crush with the stamp of a shoe or splat of a book.
“Hopefully it won’t come to that, because I’m only supposed to live for about a day anyway. I’m very much looking forward to my twenty-four hours as Blackburn manager, and I hope that the players will take to my ideas with regards training and tactics, even if they are short-lived.”
It quipped: “A bit like myself. Chortle!”
A spokesperson for Venky’s told Football Burp that they have begun their search for the mayfly’s successor, with current candidates including a Chocolate Button, a disposable contact lens and Alan Curbishley.
He also refuted allegations that Venky’s chicken contains traces of football manager meat, describing the accusations as “scurrilous rumour-mongering with no foundation, Henning and Michael are just on holiday at the moment, that’s all”.
Investigations are set to continue, with local police confirming that they have confiscated products for “an intense tasting – sorry, I mean testing – session”.
Who would you like to see replace the mayfly, Blackburn fans? How about Mark Hughes? Or a Scotch egg, perhaps? Have your say in the comments section below…