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EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United are back, baby!

Red Devils throw down gauntlet with 4-0 dismantling of a three-legged dog with its head stuck in a railing.

By Jonny Abrams

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Manchester United are back having once been like this
BACK: Manchester United

Manchester United are back, baby, we can exclusively reveal.

At least as much was apparent in yesterday’s comprehensive 4-0 dismantling of a three-legged Golden Retriever with its head stuck in a railing.

The Red Devils, resurgent, looked in irresistible form as they pummelled the trapped canine tripod into submission with wave after wave of uncontested attack.

Although the three-legged dog managed to wriggle free midway through the second half, it opted to sniff Phil Jones’s backside for a while before jamming its head back into the railing for the remainder of the match.

Any which way, the result came as incontrovertible proof that Manchester United are back in a big way under Louis van Gaal.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Harry Redknapp, owner of the three-legged dog, paid tribute to the new champions elect.

He said: “I thought it was a top, top, top performance.

“I mean, I thought Tottenham put in a top, top performance when they beat us 4-0 the other week. But this was a top, top, top performance.

“That’s one top topper.”

Redknapp went on to deny that he was looking into acquiring an artificial fourth limb for the dog.

He said: “Weeeeelllllllllll, I don’t like to talk about other people’s artificial dog limbs so I’ll leave that to the chairman.

“But it shows you what we’re up against when they’re signing Ángel Di María and Radamel Falcao and we’re trying to sign a fourth leg for a dog that’s got its head stuck in a railing.

“And Niko Kranjčar.”