The England Supporters Band were unable to play at the team’s first Euro 2012 game after having their instruments shoved up their arses at the stadium in Ukraine.
Band leader John Hemmingham said Monday’s match against France was the first time the group had not annoyed the hell out of everyone at an England game in sixteen years.
The Sheffield-based band said it was working with the Football Association to resolve the issue, which affects thousands.
The FA would not comment, bar some stifled laughter and sarcastic mock-farting of the Great Escape theme.
Mr Hemmingham said: “It was kind of weird. Fans were asking where our instruments were.
“I had to keep telling them, our instruments were shoved up our arses by burly Ukrainian stewards.”
He added: “This trombone is tickling my diaphragm.”