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England games deliberately dull to boost appreciation for Premier League – report

International fixtures made boring to "enhance consumer enthusiasm for domestic top flight".

By Jonny Abrams

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A bored man, possibly watching England
BORED: Man

England matches are routinely fixed to be as boring as possible in order to drive up appreciation of the Premier League, according to a report.

The top domestic league has come under fire from fans who perceive it to be increasingly corporate, soulless and money-oriented.

But anticipation for this weekend’s fixtures has hit record levels, with ‘hallelujah’ comfortably topping word clouds for various football-themed social media platforms.

In a twist that’s sure to shock supporters, there is a shock twist in the form of the findings of a report commissioned and undertaken by Football Burp.

It transpires that the FA have been deliberately ensuring the dullness of England games in order to “enhance consumer enthusiasm for our domestic top flight”.

A source said: “No, you can’t attribute that quote to me because I never said it.

“Write what the hell you want, I’ll see you in court.

“I don’t care how many column inches you have to fill, I’m not saying that.

“It’s totally true though.”

They added: “Hey, take out that last bit, I didn’t say that.

“I totally did though.”

Watch this space for further developments.