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England could win World Cup “in at least 120 years”

Greg Dyke interviews Her Majesty the Queen for Director of Football role.

FA chairman Greg Dyke
This man believes that the Royal Family could help (Image: acrofan.com)

England to win the World Cup? It could happen, but not for at least another one hundred and twenty years.

That’s the opinion of scientists as a World Cup draws to a close in which England ranked officially as the 31st best performing team of the 32 competing.

Provided that incremental improvements of roughly one placing per World Cup can be achieved, a second trophy should be England’s sometime around the middle of the next century.

So not in your lifetime, bub.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one boffin advised England fans not to harbour unrealistic expectations for the next thirty-odd World Cups, and that it could take even longer if every other nation continues to improve at the current rate.

He said: “Remember, England might not even qualify for some of those World Cups.

“Every other country has demonstrated significant progress in the quality of their football – Iran, Algeria, Costa Rica, Australia, the USA, basically everyone except England and Italy, and Italy have at least won it in recent memory.

“So it’s not a given that England can win the World Cup in the year 2118, especially if Fifa award it to a planet with a particularly humid climate and weird food and that.

“Basically England’s best chance of even getting to the quarter-finals would be if they were to host the World Cup themselves, but this possibility recedes with each passing year given the continuous advancements in space exploration and therefore increasing likelihood of galactic colonisation.

“When you factor in the head of the English FA being a man whose background is in television and who thinks that the attendance of Prince Harry might have seen England perform better at the present World Cup, well it begins to look pretty bleak.

“Just don’t get your hopes up, okay?”

Greg Dyke was unavailable for comment as he was locked in negotiations with Her Majesty the Queen regarding a prospective Director of Football role.

England manager Roy Hodgson is believed to be “amenable” to the idea of working under Her.

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